Introduction
Picture yourself on the beach, in a paradisiac island, the sun tanning your skin and the perfect Seabreeze in you face, holding a kiteboard in your arm, ready to ride on the water. What about you, what is your dreamed place, dreamed situation? Create the dream you wished for, in your mind and keep this image as a symbol of what you can do when you let go of the doubts that hold you back.
We all have these inside voices telling us we can’t achieve our goals or we’re not quite up to the challenge, especially at work or in our personal lives. These are the characters I call Downa, the negative voice, illustrated by the grey angry cat, and Uppa the positive one, . But guess what? Uppa can shut those negative voices off from Downa. And it’s all up to us.
Just like learning to ride the waves on a kiteboard, we can learn to overcome the doubts that keep us from reaching your full potential.
Ride the wave of success. It’s about embracing the idea that WE ARE CAPABLE, WE ARE IN CHARGE.
In this post, we’ll tackle the common self-doubts that sneak into our personal and professional lives and show how an activity like kitesurfing can teach us to believe in ourselves. Let’s get ready to leave those limiting beliefs behind and have some fun along the way.
What Are Self-Limiting Beliefs?
Have you ever heard about the ‘self-limiting beliefs’, but what does it really mean?
You have already been introduced to Downa and Uppa, right? Let’s consider them as our advisors that live in our heads.
As a reminder, Downa is the negative voice, the dark side advisor, that loves anything that can put us down. She’s great at telling us we can’t do something or shouldn’t even try because of any reasons, like it’s raining, it’s too hard, it can be done later…. Downa is the invisible barrier that keep us from moving forward in our careers and personal lives. Unfortunately, most of us are listening to her as it is so easy to follow the status quo and doesn’t require any effort.
Downa often starts small— she just needs to put a single doubt or a negative experience—and before we know it, Downa manages to grow in our mind all the things that we can’t do, or can’t be.
Downa is great at pushing in our mind negative thought leading us to think: “I’m not a natural leader,” “I’m not smart enough to run a business,” or “I’m just not cut out for success.” Sounds familiar? How can we push Downa out of our mind?
Being aware of Downa and Uppa
Here she comes in many flavors, and she’s sneaky. She is the voice of anything negative, and would easily challenge our skills, our worth, or even tell us about all the risks we could get even before we start. Downa is good at addressing negative thoughts based on fear—fear of failure (I can’t start kitesurfing as I will never be able to ride on the board and control the kite), fear of the unknown (I can’t move from Paris as I don’t know anyone, neither if there is any other nicer places to live), or even fear of success itself (I can’t register this run as I will never be able to finish the line and I’m not even a runner) .
But here’s the twist: just as Downa create these negative beliefs, Uppa can dismantle them straight away. We all have fears and Downa loves them, but Uppa can also helps to face them. It’s up to us which one of the advisors or voices we are willing to listen.
In the next session, we’ll explore the different types of self-limiting beliefs and how they can show up in our lives. Get ready to identify the ones that Downa have put in your own thoughts so you can start calling Uppa to fight them firmly, one by one.
Recognizing the Common Types
The Perfectionist Trap:
Do you find yourself waiting for the perfect moment or trying to make your work absolutely flawless? That’s the perfectionist in you, setting impossibly high standards, like having the power to open the sea like Moses,. For a kitesurfer, it’s like going on a kitesurfing spot, such as le Morne (Mauritius Island), Dakhla (Morocco) or Paros (Greece) and expecting the perfect wind everyday, with little waves and only a few number of kitesurfers on the spot. Or if you are managing a team, it’s like expecting them following you’re direction without saying a word, or if you’re leading a multi millions project, it’s delivering it on time, without any quality or safety issues. As the perfect conditions is in our dreams, a be mindful that you need to kick out Downa and let Uppa in and embrace the learning that comes from each tumble and the growth that comes from every attempt.
The Impostor Syndrome:
Ever felt like you’re not truly deserving of your accomplishments, or that you’ll be discovered as a fraud, as if you were not at the position you’ve been placed in? This is the impostor syndrome that partnered with Downa, which whom she’s whispering doubts in your ears. But remember, every kitesurfer, executive or entrepreneur had to start somewhere, and they too had their stories of wipeouts. Uppa will cheer up for your achievements, they are your own, earned through hard work and perseverance. Accept to be proud of what you are and don’t forget that you are where you are, who you are, how you are, because you and you deserve it. So be gentle with yourself, be proud of yourself.
Success is the unbalanced environment we create between Uppa and Downa. When Uppa kicks off Downa, we succeed.
The Comparison dilemma:
Comparing your chapter one to someone else’s chapter twenty is a common pitfall. In kitesurfing, you don’t watch someone’s advanced tricks and think you’re failing. You don’t watch Ted’s Tak speakers and think you’re an amateur. You don’t view the entrepreneur in their 30’s and think you fail as you’re in your 50’s as an executive and willing to make the transition. You don’t fight with a Sumotori. Downa will of course point out all these comparisons to make you stay where you are. Luckily, Uppa is right here at the corner and will tell you that everyone has their own pace and style—what matters is your own journey, not how it stacks up next to someone else’s. Our value is our uniqueness and we need to spread the world with these unique strengths.
The Fatalist’s View:
Thinking that your destiny is set in stone, that ‘it is what it is,’ is a fatalist’s way of thinking. Again, Downa is not far when you have this thinking. Downa will make you believe that the direction of the wind will never change. Or that you’re going to fall if you make the leap of faith. Just as the wind shifts, so can your path, and that’s what Uppa will tell you. Uppa is also here to convince that you have the power to change direction and create your own course. Let Downa down and listen to Uppa. There is nothing cast in stone in life and the only constant in life is CHANGE.
When my mother landed in France in 1981, during Pol Pot war, she could have thought that she was just a political refugee, coming from Cambodia, left with nothing, no family, no money, no education, not even speaking French, a widow with 3 young children. What to do? Cry all you tears and let life defeat you? Or fight and make everything possible for your children to live a decent life. She has obviously listened to Uppa, and have succeeded her objective with 3 educated kids with their own career and path in life.
The Pessimist’s Dilemma:
If you’re convinced that things will go wrong even before you try, you’re caught in pessimism. It’s another Downa’s best friend. It’s like assuming every kitesurfing session, or a car ride, or a flight will end in a crash. With this in mind, Downa will advise you to stay at home. Optimism is a muscle you flex with practice with Uppa. Start small, celebrate the tiny victories, and slowly, you’ll turn the tide of positiveness with Uppa and in your thoughts.
Don’t let Downa push hard on you with these self-limiting beliefs. They can act as anchors, dragging you down. But the good news is that anchors can be lifted, with the help of Uppa. In the next section, we’ll look at the consequences of letting these beliefs steer your ship with Downa and how to cut them loose with Uppa.
The Consequences of Self-Limiting Beliefs
When we let Downa install the self-limiting beliefs and rule our thoughts, she can do more than just dampen our spirits. Our thoughts can have tangible, negative effects on our personal development, career trajectory, mental wellness, and even our physical health. It’s like trying to kitesurf with tangled lines, or running with someone on your back, or driving a small car like a VW new beetle or Renaud Twingo that tows a 2 tons boat —you won’t get very far, and it’s probably going to be a frustrating experience.
Stifled Growth:
Believing you’re not cut out for success can stop you from seeking new opportunities or taking risks that could lead to significant professional advancements. Downa is still here and know that it’s easy for her to instill these thoughts, and easy for us to acknowledge. We tend to grab what it easy for us, as the status quo doesn’t need any effort. It’s the equivalent of staying on the beach, watching others ride the waves, while you never even attempt to get your feet wet. It’s like envying top executives and thinking that we have glass ceiling that is preventing us to reach their positions. It’s like looking at entrepreneurs and thinking that this would never happen for an executive.
Missed Opportunities:
Self-limiting beliefs often lead us to say ‘no’, as Downa like to advise us, when we should be saying ‘yes’ to new challenges, as Uppa suggests. These missed opportunities can mean the difference between a fulfilling career and one that never quite takes off. In kitesurfing, it’s like missing the perfect wind because you’re convinced you can’t handle it. It’s like staying silent during a meeting because other speaks better than us. It’s like refusing an executive position because we can’t move the family to another country.
Mental Health Concerns:
Constant self-doubt and fear can take a toll on your mental health, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and even depression. These are really unhealthy effect from listening to Downa.
Just as a kitesurfer needs balance to stay upright, we need emotional balance to maintain our mental health. This balance can be achieved with any other sport activities, or have a support network (friends, relatives or executives club)
Physical Health Impact:
Our thoughts can influence our bodies. Downa will enhance chronic stress from self-limiting beliefs and this can also lead to sleep issues, a weakened immune system, and other physical ailments. It’s hard to keep your body strong if your mind is telling you you’re weak. Keep Downa away from your thoughts, and get better feelings by bringing Uppa as much as you can
Relationships and Social Life:
Believing you’re not good enough can affect how you interact with others, both professionally and personally. It can mean the difference between building a strong network of support and isolating yourself out of fear of rejection.
When I’m kitesurfing, I have a big banana smile on my face, just by enjoying the moment and ride confidently. This has really helped me focusing on myself and overcoming my self-limiting beliefs. It also because the practice of kitesurfing gives you an opportunity to meet and connect with other like minded people. We all failed and succeed the same way on the waves and this create an immediate bonding.
I was able to kick out Downa from my thoughs and welcoming Uppa in my life for good.
Follow the next post as I will reveal how embracing a practice such as kitesurfing and its spirit helped me cut through these negative beliefs. And has set me free to achieve more in my career and live a healthier, happier life.
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