Reshaping confidence and wellbeing from a Teenage struggle
From a young age, moving from my “home” city around Paris to a new one in the Champagne region, at the age of 16 disrupted my circles of friends. As a shy teenager, I battled intense homesickness, insecurities and feelings of not belonging. Building and reshaping my confidence and wellbeing was needed. When I arrived in France, I was the Foreigner or the “Chinese girl”- even though I have Cambodian origins… This has put me in the space of low-esteem for many years and had to work my inner self to silent these bullies from the past, to continue my journey.
And then, one day, when I returned for the first time to Cambodia, where I was born, after 2 decades. I was believing that I was THE Cambodian coming back home. But this confidence has been slashed and I was taken by surprise to hear that I was the “French”! 🙂 For my uncles, aunts and cousins, we share the same blood but I was different in many aspects of the western culture. It was actually a compliment as they could see how I developpped myself in France but it was a lot of reflexion on my end.
Today I have well embedded my dual French and Cambodian culture and managed to built confidence and wellbeing over many decades, still improving through my personal experience. But I realized, years later, that these identity sickness took a toll on my mental wellbeing, sparking periods of depression and low self-esteem when I was a teenager.
Struggling alone with these intense emotions felt overwhelming. If I have left them unaddressed, they could have consumed me entirely and the low self-esteem and low confidence. My quality of life and happiness depended on finding an outlet to ease this constant internal storm.
My path to a passion
During high-school, discovering a volleyball Sportclub in my new home location and having a team to play along, sparked instant inclusion and joy. I desperately needed an identity and support system to overcome my negative internal struggles. And the intense practice became my social escape and stress-reliever. It was a necessity to balance intensity of high school workload, especially at the time of our French “Baccalaureat” (British A-Level or High School Diploma). Victories with my team felt empowering, whether it was on or off the volley court. This ignited a passion driving me through university athletics and beyond. It has definitely elevate my level of confidence to a different level.
Joining a team sport or practicing Sports in general provided me a mental refuge and a boost in my self confidence through physical activities, competitive spirit and friendships. I was finally able to build a social life with my new volley-ball team. Not only I had friends but I felt more confident, in my body that has strengthen with muscles. Years earlier, I was quite chunky and this helped me to reshape positively and regain confidence in me.
Finding balance for me, meant prioritizing my wellbeing through regular Sports practice.
My mental refuge to build confidence and wellbeing
Since that time, I maintained my passion of Volleyball and participated in various sports through my engineering school in Compiegne, France, to manage stress from demanding exams. It was needed. My days were awfully packed with stressful pressures, but these were offset with diverse physical activities. Juggling intense training while studying strengthened both my mind and body. Staying active offered me a mental refuge from pressures. I managed to find the balance between the intense and demanding educational requirements and the wellbeing provided through my competitions and other activities (musical, social events). My level of confidence and wellbeing were at their peaks.
Our well-being relies on balancing nutrition, physical activity and growth mindset. Finding practices harmonizing these three pillars cultivates long-term mental and physiical health naturally over time. Sports filled this role through competitive drive, supportive communities and physical exercise. And the growth mindset is our constant learning and experience through our failure, adaption and perseverance.
During these intense years of studies, my shoulder dislocations temporarily paused my volleyball competitions. But it just reinforced my perseverance. After a swift recovery of 2 weeks, I rejoined my volleyball team even more motivated. Even though I had several relapses from my shoulder, my pain was nothing comparable to the period of non-activities. I would play even with the pain and risk of dislocations, as it’s always given me the level of endorphins required to make me feel good and confident in my mind.
=> Have you overcome challenges through particular hobbies or sports? How these activities supported your mental wellness beyond physical outlets? I’d love to hear journeys of triumph over obstacles through finding balance in the comments below.
How I Reshaped my fitness, confidence and wellbeing
In my 30’s, motherhood drained all my reserves further between endless demands from my babies. Unhealthy habits like smoking, snacking, no sports became a new refuge that was masking fatigue. My self-esteem, level of confidence and wellbeing were completely hidden. Over my first pregnancy in 2006 and my second one in 2010, until 2013, I realised that I left aside all sport activities during 7 years!
The result: slowly packing weight without realizing it, undermined my depleted emotions. Something had to change before spiraling beyond repair. I had to find my way to my Confidence and well being again. It has existed and exists somewhere in me! I needed to treat myself more kindly and rebuild my journey to confidence and wellbeing.
A new Rebirth
When I moved to Malaysia, it was a new rebirth. As an expatriate I could easily find a nanny to take care of my 2 bigger babies and relieved me on evenings, so I could start working out.
And what a great surprise when I discovered a recreational volleyball and futsal activities through my company sport events! It revived a long-lost competitive spirit. Casual games meant reconnecting with my colleagues in different manner, and strengthened me both physically and socially through shared passions.
After few training sessions, we even won the female futsal competitions with my teammates in 2013, 2014 and 2018! And was recognized as the best female player in the 2013 game…😊 What a feeling! It gave me so much joy and helped me find my inner strength that was hidden for so many year. What else to boost the level of confidence and wellbeing?
Stepping again into sport competition, I decided that I will be in my best shape again, after my couple separation in 2014. I was so far away from my confidence and wellbeing in my headspace, that I needed a boost to regain it.
Register to a gym!
First I quit smoking. It was never a good model for my kids anyway and was one of the best decision ever for my health and own sake. However, quitting smoking was a big take and I needed to compensate with something else and I didn’t want it to be compulsive food neither drink. So..
I started to register to a gym instead. I never enjoyed it in the past. However, in Malaysia it was easy and accessible centers, such as Fitness Studio – Burnfit equipped with powerplates, with awesome motivational trainers (Irene and Adrian). The separation from my kids’ Dad was actually one of the good trigger in 2014. I started on evenings, after the kids bedtime. Reshaping my fitness was vital for my confidence and wellbeing and self-image after my pregnancies. Starting with Swimming, training in Muy Thai, CrossFit, continuing with running and discovering wakeboarding and kitesurfing ultimately transformed me. These new activities moved from a chore into joy, improving significantly my quality of life holistically and impacting positively my mental health. I was proud of myself and of my accomplishments.
New Habits for maintaining self confidence and wellbeing
Since my arrival in Malaysia in 2011, with a manager postion to create, hire and manager a new team, I had to juggle with busy work schedules, while working in my company as an expatriate and being a new single mom since 2014. It was necessary to create new diverse routines to tackle my post-pregnancy weight gain while releasing all my anxiety, pressure and tension of my new situation. Without knowing it, I was actually starting to get into a depression. But being abroad, with little support as I did not have closed friends with whom I could share my struggles, I decided to take care of myself. I needed to be strong for my children with this new situation for the family. I could not afford being depressed even though was at the edge.
Just after six months of regular training at the gym, a toned body emerged through new routines, structure and discipline.
With my new schedule as a single mom, I have created space for me, for my own wellness and wellbeing. Overall, physical activities played a pivotal role in my wellness journey. They offer so much beyond physical outlets: a boost in confidence and wellbeing, and higher self esteem.
For anyone facing challenges, I encourage tapping into activities that could spark a unique energy level and helps creating community and social bonding. Your mental wellbeing is as vital as physical wellbeing – invest time strengthening both. You deserve to feel empowered each and every day. These activities also have the potential to build new relationships with interesting and brilliant people, alike yourself!
Transforming over a decade
Sport activities had always provided a refuge for me, turning negatives into positives. It helped me boost my confidence and wellbeing by dismantling self-doubt one step at a time.
Regular exercises maintained my wellbeing during life’s most demanding times, post pregnancy, post separation, new roles with responsibilities. It empowered coping with pressures through balance instead of unhealthy habits. These activities became my preventative medicine nourishing both body and spirit long-term.
But I’m sure you’res wondering how to change from a set up routine?
Well, it has taken me over a decade to change my habits, so don’t be harsh on yourself and start small (see the last paragraph). That is the key.
When I arrived in Malaysia in 2011, I was lucky enough to have a swimming pool at our condominium. This was the start. Every weekend I went for swimming while the kids and my husband were asleep. I had to force myself at the beginning. But as I remembered complaining when I was in France, not being able to do any sport activities, it was the perfect occasion to change. I started to set up a 30mn swim every weekend.
It was only in 2014, that I drastically changes my habits. Going though a separation from the father of my kids, I was diving into a lonely depression. As an expatriate, I did not have many female friends, and only had male colleagues to interact with. I was not really incline to share my struggle and felt then very lonely. My female friends in France could not help me much, with such long distance and time zone difference.
I was so focused on my Work that I did not create other social relationship than my workmate colleagues, who were mostly male. This is when I started to lose my self confidence and wellbeing was also impacted.
Hike in jungle
One day a colleague proposed a hike in the jungle. It was organized by the Petaling Hash House Harriers group (PH3), where hundreds of participants from 7 to 77 were walking and/or running together in fanstastic landscapes outside Kuala Lumpur. I was initially walking and over time I started running.
It was such a great getaway from the city of Kuala Lumpur full of buildings and concrete. Kuala Lumpur is surrounded by the jungle within 30 km. It was so heartwarming to be part of this friendly group. People from various local companies and industries, students, I even met colleagues!
This event became a new routine and an occasion to bring friends along and meet new people with the same spirit.
Ultimately I brought the kids with me when they were a bit older, as the Ph3 members also organized a monthly hike for kids. It was also a great way to spend time with my big babies. I admit that they didn’t really appreciate it at the beginning but when they saw other kids, even the ones from the LKFL – Lycée Français de Kuala Lumpur, they liked it. It’s always fun to have friends to come along and a good way to practice activities with friends.
Running to regain confidence and wellbeing
In 2014, I met a mom at the French school, and she told me that she had run the Half-Marathon of Siem Reap, in Cambodia and described it as the most beautiful run she had ever done in her life. We spent an hour just talking about it! After this motivational discussion, I decided that I would run the half marathon.
At that time, the only run I did was a 5km in 2009 for the breast cancer run Odyssea in Versailles, France…
Am I crazy? This is what I was telling myself everytime I was training for my run. It was so hard to motivate myself to go for the training run… I then join a running group to motivate me, as one of my colleague Jose, a Venezuelan friend, was also running. Once a week we would go a for about 8km run with this friendly international group. It was a great social event! A beer and heavy dinner after the run… Their moto, “we run because we like to eat… and drink!”.
I ended up by only doing the run. The beer and the heavy malaysian chinese dinner was not doing any good for the preparation of the half marathon.
I ultimately improved my run. So much that I even registered to a Spartan race, where we run for 12km, with is a series of obstacles of varying difficulties. It was of a great fun, especially with my happy funny friends and colleagues. It was a really tough but overall great race. We had fun as we were not really looking at doing a time to win – one of our team members (not to mention name…Xavier) was even vomiting just after the first obstacle:-). We all ended up the race in one piece, alltogether, what a Team! It was a also a good cardio training for the Half-Marathon.
I was then ready for the run in Siem Reap, Cambodia, in December 2015 and ended up with a 2h19 for my first 21 km of my life, I felt so proud of myself! I went with a group of friends, that made the journey even more enjoyable.
Since that time, my run, that was a real chore at the beginning ended up, after a year of weekly discipline run, an enjoyable activity.
Keep on running!
I still have a busy schedule today, a business professional in a male dominent industry. I’m travelling abroad at least one time every month, in all parts of the world, where my company has an office, in US, Brazil, Africa, Europe and Asia Pacific. What is constant in my travel is my running. Wherever I go, I always bring a pair of running shoes with the associated sport attire (depending of the weather). You can follow me on Strava if you are already registered.
Either I find other colleagues running with me, or when lucky with a local group – this was the case in Kongsberg (Norway), where I used to run with a local running group, it motivated me to run with an icy weather of minus 2 degrees…. But most of the time, I’m fine with running by myself. I would wake up early and go for a half an hour run and this would give me the nice level of energy to start my day in office. When the jetlag hits, it’s even better as it helps me maintain a high level of energy for the week. As you know, when you are over 45, aging is hitting hard especially when travelling long distance.
How are you readjusting and recovering from the jetlag?
It is hard, I admit, but realized that when I’m lazy and not going for my run, I feel really down, more stressed and sometimes irritated.
So I keep on running whatever weather – not totally true, actually – when it’s below zero or when there is a pouring rain, I skip the run outside. But most of the hotels I’m travelling to have gym and it’s easy to run on the treadmill.
If not travelling, I’m running my 5km on the weekend in Paris or in Lege Cap Ferret (where my beach house is located) with my dear husband. I’m also lucky to have a runner as a husband that is pulling me up the bed to go for the run.
This is a plus in life if you can have a partner that could do the same activity as you.
Start small to build your confidence and wellbeing
Morning, evening habits
My mornings are always associated with an exercise. It could be a light exercise such as my lazy workout. I’m sure you’re wondering what it is…
Well, when I wake up, I do the baby-bed-bridge, 30 wraps. And then my baby-bed-sit-up, 30 wraps. it’s baby workouts as I just do it while on my bed.
Even if it doesn’t look like a real workout, but I can assure you that if done everyday, it is a good path to progress. For me it’s more a way to wake up slowly and with the joy of being proud of myself to say “I did something this morning”… better than nothing. This is a good start to build your day with confidence and wellbeing.
And sometimes after doing this, it motivates me to do more workout. Especially when it’s raining outside, and I have no willingness to run outside.
Start small is the key. Same in the evening, before going to bed you could do even
- one push up, or knee push up
- the bridge and
- the sit-ups
From walking to running
Alternatively you can go for a walk, run, cycling or even going to a gym. These are the steps towards your journey to confidence and wellbeing.
I can understand that running could be intimidating for someone who has never run. Starting small could mean walking. Just go outside and walk for 30mn, this is accessible to all. And keep on doing it regularly and maybe faster and faster.
The more routines you’re setting up, the better. Like brushing your teeth. You’re doing it automatically without even thinking. Embedding your exercise as part of your routine is the best to transform and change your habits.
For instance, while I’m brushing my teeth, I’m doing my squats, between 20 to 30 wraps. It’s another way to embed a routine in my daily life.
It also fun. My daughter and husband were teasing me as I look funny, but then they sometimes do it with me… Famliy Squad Squat 🙂 Confidence and wellbeing could also be fun!
And once your walking gets easier, you could start to run 100m, then 200m, then 500m, then 1km…And continue until it gets easier with the distance. You set the pace you want. And why not registering to a race? Start with 5km for instance and if you’re as crazy as me, go for a half marathon or even a full marathon (I’ve never done it)! But this is another story.
And to help you on progressing, I would advise you to get a connected watch. I used to have a Suunto watch but recently changed to Garmin watches which is connected to my mobile and to Strava application to track my run, walk, cycling, snowboarding and kitesurfing activities.
For your birthday, or Christmas event, this is a good present to request or to offer to yourself. Be kind to yourself 🙂
And build you level of confidence and wellbeing you deserve!
It’s your turn now to build your confidence and wellbeing
Tell me how you changed your lifestyle, and share your journey in the comments.
And if you wish to start a transformation journey, don’t hesitate to contact me so that I can better understand where you are struggling and see how we could support in the future through our Kitesurfing retreat.
Take care
Neary, what if we kite?
